I am not even sure if I did what I did out of sheer frustration or actual inspiration. But I hope that the more I write about it, the more I’ll feel calm(or not).
I broke up with my boyfriend today.
It sounds a lot like basic news; thousands of breakups are going on per second in the world as I write. But what’s interesting(?) about this my breakup is that I broke up with my boyfriend because of an experience I had with a commercial bike man.
I needed to get somewhere at Ikeja real quick this morning so I took a bike. I woke up late and so I was running behind schedule. Already, I didn’t know where the exact place was; I only had an address. I had an idea of where it was, but it was not concrete.
I told the bike man where I was going and asked him if he knew where it is. He said yes. I climbed the bike and prayed for safe journey.
When we got to Allen avenue, the bike man parked and asked me for directions. I was stunned. ‘Oga, I no sabi the place. Shebi I tell you before? You talk say you know the place’
A nervous and unsure ‘ehn’ was all I got as he started his bike and continued the journey. We circled streets and asked tons of people before he finally confessed and said, ‘Ehn… I no too sabi the place.’
I was furious with him and with myself. I finally brought out my phone and used google maps to direct him. By the time I got to my destination, I had missed my appointment and lost a lot of money. (Money that I had already made plans for – against Financial Management 101)
As the full reality of my frustration settled in, right there in front of the bus stop waiting for my Yaba bus, I whipped out my phone and called my boyfriend.
Before he could say hello, I said, ‘Hey. Hi. Hope you’re good. Erm… So I just realized something funny. It’s not funny funny, it’s dangerous funny. You don’t know where you’re going. And I’m not quite sure about where I’m going either. But this is most especially you. You’ve never discussed any vision for your future with me and I don’t have the foggiest glimpse into the destiny you envision for yourself. I feel like a passenger on a bike. I just assumed you know where we were going but how can you know where we’re going when you don’t even know where you’re going. No offence o. I don’t mean to insult you. All I’m saying is that I don’t want to miss my appointment with destiny because I’m riding on the back of a partner who doesn’t know where we’re going. I mean! We’ve never even talked about marriage!’ I mini-yelled and then hung up.
Like I said, I have no idea what I just did; whether it was by inspiration or by frustration.
I’m just going to keep writing until I feel better….