Clumsy Formzy

Today was wow! 

Like wow in a I-Can’t-believe-I-went-through-all-that kind of way. 

Today was the first, and indeed official, day I met my father and mother-in-laws. I never met them before Chike proposed because I just was not ready. Or that’s what I told him. The real reason in the deepest part of my heart is that I did not want to jinx anything. In this short life I have lived, I have met the parents of three young men as their prospective bride. Hence, I decided to avoid being a trending topic in the Annual Nigerian Mothers Convention on Girls Our Sons Bring Home But Don’t Marry. 
So, I told him that I’d only officially meet them when and if he proposes. And propose, my love did. 

Today was the day I met his parents and his siblings and it was one heck of a day. 

I was a nervous wreck since last night. I visited the restroom about three times at night and my heart was palpitating throughout so that I could not sleep. 

I finally slept around 5am and woke up by 7am as prompted by my alarm clock. I re-ironed the gown I had bought for the occasion , chose my underwear and laid out my cream, makeup, sandals, bag, phone charger, notepad and the gifts I bought for my to be in-laws.

I finally left my house by 9am talking to Chike as I drove and jokingly begging him to breakup with me so I’d just turn around and go and continue my sleep. He laughed and said, ‘Better get your big head here. Everyone is ready for you’ 

I got to the house by 10:02am and till now, I am confused by how everything played out. 

First, his mom and dad were waiting outside for me and once I drove in and stepped down, they hugged me tight and told me to come in. 

Then his sister did not stand up from the chair where I was supposed to sit; in fact she wouldn’t so much as recognize my presence. She didn’t say a word to me throughout my visit. And I know she isn’t dumb because she was talking to everyone else. 

His dad asked me what my name was and when I said ‘Ifeoma‘, he clapped excitedly and said, ‘ayy!! Formzy!! That’s what I’ll start calling you now. Formzy!!’

His mom asked me to join her to complete the cooking she was doing in the kitchen and in my nervousness, I burned one of her napkins when I tried to use it to lift a pot from the cooker. I was dancing around the kitchen trying to put it out; half of it burned. Apparently her dead sister gave her napkin. 

Then, his brother randomly asked me if I knew the meaning of ‘Condescend’, and suddenly in that moment, it totally slipped from my mind. Thinking about it now, I just can’t believe that I forgot the meaning of ‘condescend ‘. I kept saying ‘Erm… Hold on o. I know it. Erm… It just skipped my mind’, until his condescending sister rolled her eyes and told him what it means. The irony.

When I was asked to talk about myself, I forgot everything I had practiced in front of the mirror and started blabbing nonsense. 

And when his mother asked me why I love their son, I said: Well, why do I love him? Wow… I’ve never really thought about that. I love him because he is. He’s himself. I guess. I mean, he’s a focused person. He’s gentle and has a kind heart. Sometimes. Most times. That doesn’t sound good. But I genuinely love your son ma. 

This reply fetched me my first and only reaction from his sister; she scoffed, hissed and laughed. 
As I stepped into my car to drive off, his father walked up to my window and said, ‘Formzy eh. You’re better and realer than all those fake girls Chike has carried before. So real that I’ll start calling you clumsy Formzy. I like it. Have a safe journey’ 

I was not even sure if that was a negative or positive speech, or indeed, the meaning of the speech. I just smiled, nodded and fell in intense love with my accelerator. 

What a day!

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