Dear All the People Who Believe in Me,
That there is even an audience to write to, humbles me.
That I’m not scribbling this in my journal and reading it to myself in the mirror; humbles me. And yes, a perfect rhythm to this thought would be for me to say “however, if I were the only person who believed in myself, I’d be 100% super and good”, but I suppose you know that that’s a lie. YOU are important to me. And I’ll always be thankful for you.
I guess I just want you to know that I am constantly encouraged by your encouragements; comforted by your comforting and believing in your beliefs (of and in me). I think what you do takes quite an intentionality; allowing yourself see (beyond) a person’s current abilities, intelligence or results, and saying to that person, ‘you’re not perfect but you’re surely on your way there’. I think it takes a lot, but you do that for me. So, thank you.
And I was going to start this article by saying, ‘I wonder how it feels like to be you’, but that was too pitiable and sad a statement to make and frankly it heavily leans towards untrue. Because, truth be told, many times, I do know how it feels to be you; but just not all the time. Sometimes, I’m really out here conversating with my failures like:
Me: I’ve been trying to get you out of my head all day. Please don’t just stand there and stare at me. I would say ‘make yourself useful’, but you’re failure.
Failures: Ahahn. I’m sorry. But if my advice is any good, I’ll say that self-pity is the key to getting over me. Make sure you try that, okay? Furthermore, I have a terrific piece of advice to give. Remember all those people who believe in you? I think you should actively avoid them. Their investment of faith is wasted and they need to pull out of this bet they’ve placed on you. Because, I mean, look at me. I’m right here. With you.
Me: Hmm… That sounds very apt.
Failures: Well…don’t say I never did anything for you.
Me: But I’m just thinking…AND, it’s just a thought, don’t laugh. Do you think maybe they factored in you, my failures, before they decided to believe in me.
Failures: It’s okay I won’t laugh. I’d rather cry because you’re so naïve. Don’t you get it. No one likes me. And so if I hang around you in such enormity, no one will like you. So no, love. They didn’t “factor” me in your life.
Failures: Yeah. I know it’s sad. But knowing that these people saw something worth something before they believed in you would help you understand that when that something is no longer there, they also won’t be.
Me: Haha! How do you say that? That’s tongue twisting. Anyway, I get what you mean. It’s weird that you’re failure but you’re succeeding at making sense.
Failures: Well… thank you. Come here. Lie in my bosom.
But somehow, every time I’m on my way to sinking in my failures and mistakes, you guys who believe in me, show up like heroes and start saying stuff like
You guys: Heyyy! We just dropped by to randomly remind you that you’re the very best at so-and-so and there’s such a beautiful future for you! Gosh! We can’t wait! Wait, do you even know how much potential you hold?
Me: *shifts glasses up my face* Erm guys, welcome. You’re in time. I just wanted to tell you guys something super intense. It’s crazy and sad and not-good so I’m going to need you to brace up, okay? Ready?
You guys: Uh, yeah.
Me: So, I have known failure! He was just here and gosh, is he ugly. But yeah, whatever, apparently, we worked together on this project and he was the boss of it.
You guys: Oh failure? That guy? Haha. We’ve all known him, and in varying degrees, some of which you won’t believe. Dude’s a trip. Did he give you the speech about you being a bad investment of faith and all? He’s sad and doesn’t give a true representation of life.
Me: Okay. But he made some pretty good poin-
You guys: Look, you are amazing. And we know you’ll do so many great stuff and the world isn’t even ready. You’re a super sta-
Me: No, listen. You don’t get it. Failure did NOT impose himself on me. I was lazy and basically sought him out to work with me on the proje-
You guys: Boro! You’re such a gem. A shining light. And I wish all young people were like you. You’re intelligent and smart. You’re knowledgeable and brilliant. You’re amazingly consistent at what you d-
Me: *now crying* Please stop! You’re not understanding!
You guys: We’re understanding perfectly. And yet we stand by everything we’ve said to you.
Thanks, You Guys!
I want to say, “I won’t let you down”. But then, I do very poorly at doing stuff not to disappoint people (this is a major reason why I’ve still not found it in me to actually celebrate my (frankly, dope) Law School result. People had expectations. I let them down. Why celebrate?). So no, guys, I won’t say I won’t let you down – but it doesn’t mean that I would. 🙂 Smooth yeah? Hehe
Anyway, this letter is really to just say thank you. You’re such an important part of my ecosystem; an awesome ingredient in this savory dish of life; a beautiful color in this gently revealing art; a distinctively sweet fragrance in this jumbo of scents; a beautiful face in this crowd of people; a helpful word in this essay of sentences. And I see you. And I love you. And I appreciate you. And I thank you.