Clean Slate 

January 13

 Clean Slate

Explore the room you’re in as if you’re seeing it for the first time. Pretend you know nothing. What do you see? Who is the person who lives there?

Our elders probably never said

That the best way to look

Is to unlook

Or that the best way to see

Is to shut your eyes

I stand here in a white long dress, in the middle of a huge hall with lights and dancing and camera flashes.
I feel 

Confused; because I see a woman laughing. She looks up when they call for the bride’s mother and smiles so happily at me. I must be the bride. 

Sad; because I see another who looks entirely like me. She is dressed in pink, holding up my train and smiling at me. I feel like I am looking at myself in the mirror and smiling a fake smile. Why is my twin smiling a fake smile at me?

Worried; because I look at the queue for the buffet and see a young boy swing his ceramic plate. He will break it and get a spank from the woman behind him. I know it. 

Uncomfortable; because the dress is tight for me at the waist. I run my hands across my belly and it feels weird.

Shocked; because I suddenly know that I am pregnant. How am I pregnant? And for whom am I pregnant? 

Curious; because the man standing beside me is grinning from ear to ear. He has large ears and big eyes, but he seems not to care about that. He is so happy. Why is he happy? Does he know me? I hear a man’s loud voice say that the groom must take the hand of the bride and dance with her in the centre of the big hall. He takes my hand and he is still smiliing. I am sad for him because not only do I not know him, I do not know how to dance. 
But I will return his smiles 

I will hold his hand and let him lead me wherever he wants

I will lead him wherever I want him to go

I will listen to him speak and not just hear his words he speaks but hear those words he does not speak 

I do not know him

But he smiles at me

And his smiles make me smile. 

There are questions I want to ask

Why his ears are big

And his eyes bulging

What his likes are

And his favorite sport

Where he met me

And why I am pregnant

What his name is

And what my name is

But I will not ask those questions 

For our elders probably never said

But they should have…

The best way to look

Is to unlook

The best way to see

Is to shut your eyes

I'd love to hear your thoughts!

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