Doing Nothing

More than I hate doing nothing, I hate the stupid jokes that pop into my head when I’m doing nothing.

For instance, ‘If you’re doing nothing, are you not doing something?’ That kind of joke. What sort of an annoying joke is that? Let me tell you something, if idle hands are the devils workshop, then my hands must be one hell of a factory. Literally.

This is what I was telling my mother last month when she slapped me and said, ‘You just open your mouth and be calling devil devil devil as if he’s your brother. Why do you like to claim bad things?‘. Ah. But I was just saying.

I wake up, I wash my father’s car, I eat, I sleep, and I wake up again. That is all. I told my father at the beginning of this month, ‘Please help me find something to do. Please sir’. He looked at me and said, ‘Find something to do yourself.‘ Ah. But I was just saying.

Now I’m sitting here waiting for the judgment for what my devilish hands have done. The fan above is annoying me as much as doing nothing does. It is just going round and round and round and round and it’s reminding me of the ceiling when I was with the landlord’s daughter some minutes ago. Fans are so alike. Just like mother and daughter are.

Why would the landlord not know that if his wife left him for one of his tenants, his daughter would also leave him for one of his tenant’s sons. Me, in this case. She came to me. 3 hours ago, I was sitting doing nothing and she whined her huge waist lazily towards me. ‘What are you doing?‘ Annoying question. ‘Nothing‘ even more annoying answer.

‘Do you want to come and watch Zee World with me. I have food‘ she asked.

No‘ I answered quicker than normal. If I watch Zee World, I can as well sell my soul to satan for a piece of dry bread.

But she stood there smiling and suggesting and inferring.

We don’t really have to watch anything. The Indians like to act;  they’ll keep acting even if we’re not watching‘ she said suggestively.

Was that her idea of flirting? Funny.

I looked at her and said, ‘Who is at home with you?

Just me.‘ she said, ‘And you‘ she whispered.

Small girls of nowadays. I shook my head. But my legs dusted themselves and my neck followed. And my devilish factory hand joined in and then all my body.

The landlord caught us and saved me from the ceiling fan I was looking at in boredom.

But now he has detained me in his living room with that same kind of ceiling fan. Zee World is also on but it is on mute. Kill me already because I cannot find the remote control to kill this channel. I would stand up, but I might give my lazy heart an excuse to fail me.

I can hear my parents’ raised voices outside arguing with the landlord. Even my co-offender is outside with them saying some gibberish in her high pitched voice. I’m sure a couple hundred of people are also outside discussing me.

But here I am, alone. I finally get around to doing something; something everyone is talking about, and yet, I’m left alone to do nothing. Is this a curse or what?


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