Me & All My Bullshit

‘The bride may now read her wedding vows to the groom; reading with reverence and great genuineness, knowing and believing that the heavens and even we, God’s children, stand as witnesses to this pledge’ the preacher’s voice boomed from the speakers. 

She smiled as though she was born for this. Perfectly calm, she said:

I have piles and piles of paper in my thrash bin, of different versions of one truth: I love you. So I decided that since I’m not so much of a good writer, I would simply stand here in front of you and pour out my heart; everything I feel for you; everything I want you to know that I feel for you.

 But I fear that these words may place boundaries around the committment I have decided to make with you for the rest of my life; that these words may reduce the fevour with which my whole being vows to be such a helper to you. Well, but now I reason that this is why I have a whole lifetime to spend with you; to show you what my words cannot promise. Show and Tell. Tell and Show. I promise I wouldn’t lack in either of the two categories. 

I vow to you my love, Gabriel Oluniyi Martins, to be with and by you in flesh and in spirit for all the days of our lives. 

I vow to you, Gabriel, to be a vessel in God’s hands as He tries to show you how much He loves you. 

I vow to you, Gabriel, to respect you and your decisions and to be your eye in the sky (haha! Remember when we saw that movie?)

Sorry, I don’t really know what it means to be a person’s eye in the sky. Sorry. I cancel that. Or… Well, I don’t cancel it. I vow it back. I will do the best I can to never let any evil come near you. And the best I can do ranges from praying fervently for you to slapping mosquitoes over your head. I’ll totally do that. 

I vow to you Gabriel, to be your best friend as much as you let me. I vow to be understanding. I vow to be true to you. I vow to always be playful with you. Oh… and also serious; if you’re down for it. 

I vow to remain as cool and chill as the rapid development of technology will let me. 

Well, I have to vow about the elephant in the room. That is, the very well -known fact that I have a lot of bullshit. I’m sure most of our friends here are sitting there thinking: well, well, let’s witness this wedding so we can feel entitled to talk about the breakdown of the marriage when it comes; for it shall come.

But I can assure you that while I was forcefully fitted into this wedding dress this morning, I whispered to all my bullshit and commanded them to come here to the altar with me to make these vows to you. 

And so they joined in when I made all those vows and my bullshits don’t break their promises ( that’s how they earned their reputation).

So, don’t worry my love. I am growing and changing and you know it more than most people. I’m dropping weights and becoming a better and more polite person. I am learning from you and I’m super excited to be getting married to my excellent teacher. 

Oh, I also vow not to talk too much. Damn! I talk too much.