The Blame Shame Game


Let’s play the most illogical game on planet earth! It’s called the ‘Blame Shame Game’. Follow me closely as I take you through its equally illogical rules.


  1. First, there has to be a victim of sexual violence. Now note that this character will not be a player of the game but the subject of it. Character should preferably be female, but can also be male.
  2. There has to also be the perpetrator of the repulsive act. Said character should preferably be male but can also be female. Character is most times a player in this game, but the game can go on without his/her playing. He can choose to be silent throughout the game and in fact, his silence is also a viable strategy in the game.
  3. There has to be an audience of idiotic and unreasonable people. Don’t worry, it won’t be hard to find. It’s probably an exception to NOT be one of them. So a mere sampling of any group of people (online and offline), should do the job.
  4. The game may start at any stage of sexual harassment. It may be before, during or even after. For instance, a woman may wear a short dress, red lipstick and smile lavishly at a man, and a member of the audience may point and say, ‘Toh! Look at her! When they pin her down and rape her now, she’ll be crying. Isn’t she begging for it? Shame!’ OR, An incident of sexual violence may be going on in the room adjacent that wherein the audience is seated, and they plug in their headphones and say, ‘What was she finding in a man’s house?’
  5. My focus in explaining this game however, would be the aspect which begins after the fact of sexual violence. This is because it’s the more rampant, most played type of this game.
  6. So it may start off with the News of sexual violence – in whichever way. E.g through gossip or even confrontation by the victim. Surprisingly, the perpetrator may announce this News by boasting about it (oh yes, the rules of this game allow this).
  7. The next stage of the game rests on the audience. They are to pick apart the News and highlight the relevant parts of it for their shaming of the victim.
  8. It is understood that most times… like 100% of the time… there are no logical relevant parts of the news which would aid them in playing the game – no logical reason why they should blame and shame the Victim. The rules of the game realize this and sympathizes. So it allows for them to utter half-witted, brainless and unintelligent words in support of their shaming. The rules will take it.
  9. The next thing is to shame and blame in earnest – take an already broken victim and break them even further. Use your words like weapons. Saw the victim into two by saying, ‘Hide your face! Harlot! Look at you… Body, you cannot cover. Leg, you cannot close!’. Hammer nails into their bodies by saying, ‘Wait, were you a virgin when…? No? Then it’s not rape!’. Wreck them with a bulldozer by saying, ‘Do you not know better than to live alone as a single lady? Do you not know better than to visit a man? Do you not know better than to wear skirts when you should be wearing trousers? You knew what you wanted when you asked for it!’. Knife through their hearts by saying, ‘So apart from the rape, you also sustained injuries from fighting him? Na wa o! Don’t you know that rape is like bad weather? If you can’t do anything about it, relax and enjoy it.’ Kick them in their solar plexus by saying, ‘Some women are just easy to rape. And you are one of them. No vex.’ And so on…
  10. The more unreasonable you are, the better your chances are at being a master at this game.
  11. Meanwhile, don’t forget that you shall not act surprised if the perpetrator decides to join in the game – shaming and blaming his victim for the rubbish nonsense he did. In fact, you may quote his shame and blame lines and use to up your cred. on folly street.
  12. Do not realize that you are the shameful one.




The Blame Shame Game is highly repulsive. A victim of sexual harassment has no business being blamed for the violation. Have there been acts of violence which the victim could have escaped by applying extra security measures? Yes. But this can and will never be an excuse for giving the perpetrator a tap on the back… or for shaming the victim. A perpetrator of sexual harassment must be made to bear full responsibility for actions committed by him/her.  The focus is not on how it could have been averted, but on that it was done. Never forget.


Shame the one who did the shameful act and not the one who suffers from the act.

Blame the sexual violator and not the violated.


And shame on you if you do not.







Meanwhile, if you are being sexually harassed, I know a safe space to report it. And I think you should. Go here



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