The Diary of The Bride

*Been off for a while… But I’m back. Here’s something from me.*


Dear Diary,

It’s 2:00am on the morning of my white wedding and I’m passively freaking out. I have gotten up like 20 times to look at my dress over and again. I have wondered at philosophical lengths as to whether I could have done this any better; the dress, that is. My shoes are the worst. They’ll ache my legs; I know. Yet, I decided to listen to Grace who said with that her rubbish British accent ‘they’re so far the most beautiful and most unique pair of goddamn shoes I’ve ever seen’

In fact, I have wondered whether I have a mind of my own at all. From the beginning of the wedding plans to this very moment, the only thing I have actually had the final say on, is who I’m getting married to. And trust me, in this state of mind that I am, it’s only a matter of time before I begin to wonder if he…

Dear Diary,

Sorry, I had to quickly pretend as though I was sleeping. Mom walked in. It’s 7:00am now and the house is so busy. Everyone is calling my name and God knows that I might soon scream and pull this hair out. I remember attending Adanna’s wedding and seeing Adanna so calm and all-smiles. I mean, even though everyone had to pay some money at the door of her room to see her, I must still say that in retrospect and in light of my current experience, Adanna is a mighty and strong goddess. Mental note: specifically tell Adanna how I think she’s one of the strongest women I’ve ever seen. And congratulate her for repping women well.

Gtg, I feel like I’m in a movie and the theme song is ‘Ademide’. That’s the only thing I’m hearing in this house!!


It’s 8:30 and honestly, I think it’s becoming trite to say that I’m getting stressed out. My palms are sweating on a low. Mom came and was just panicking. She started by saying; ‘Ademide, have you eaten?’ Before I could even answer, she went into a fit of bants;‘I thought I told you to take custard by 8 to hold your stomach; and rice by 9:30 just before the church program. What’s the time now? 8:07. Listen, I’m your mother and I know what’s right for you. Where’s that brooch that I wanted to fix? I forgot to take it upstairs with me yesterday and you too, deemed it fit to forget to bring it to me. Your father is upstairs there o. We discussed you this morning. A sensible child would greet her parents first thing in the morning. Not to talk of a child who’s about to get married; shebi at least you would come and ask for your father’s blessings. Abi you think that blessings can be too much? Abo-oro. I’ve said my own. Go and meet your father. Ehehn, have you spoken with Jide this morning? You people should communicate o. Pastor has called me to ask if you’ll be on time. You have to be on time, you know how he frowns at late coming. And you people are starting a new life together; it’s significant that you shouldn’t start on a bad note. Call Jide. I’m shocked he hasn’t called you. Ehen, the cake lady, I misplaced her number, give me again. I don’t know the inefficient people that you’re giving jobs to. That’s how that your friend with that excuse of an accent came and was telling me; ‘Ma, as the bride’s mother we would like for you to join in the quick photo shoot outside.’ Everything is wrong with that statement…’

…and it went on and on.

All this white wedding wahala sef, I’m fine with the traditional wedding we did last week. Nigerians!

Jide has still not called me. Let me call him.


Ten minutes ago, I was boiling red pissed. Jide refused to pick my calls or return any of the missed calls. Thank God for Prince sef that called me and said that Jide’s Tux had some issues and that’s why he hasn’t been with his phone. (But God can use anybody o… Prince eh? Hehehe… ).

So… dear Diary,

This is my final entry before the wedding. I asked everyone to leave the room and I just stared at myself in the mirror for 3 quiet minutes. I look so pretty. :’)

My whole life has led up to this moment. When I was a little girl, I used to play mommy and daddy (not the bad type) and I used to imagine myself as a wife, but not as a bride. But even that, was preparing me for today. I remember the first wedding I attended; Aunty Florence’s wedding. I remember her joy. I remember her laughing and throwing her bouquet. I remember her husband; Uncle Lanre dancing as though he had just received a huge amount in his bank account. I remember them stealing kisses and hugging themselves amidst all the Yoruba hustle and bustle. I remember grandma crying when she prayed for them and dad holding back his tears also. I remember that I just watched them closely throughout the whole event and the chemistry was beyond my comprehension (maybe that was an indication of my non-affinity for the sciences -_-). But of all the things that I remember that day, the one thing that really resonated with me forever was the moment when Uncle Lanre made a speech at the reception. He walked up to the stage and in his normal goofy nature said; ‘Jehovah Nissi, Jehovah Jireh, Jehovah Elohim. Thank you for making my dream a reality.’

 Today, I wed Jide. I feel honoured. And it’s a secret between you and I, but I’m going to steal the ‘Jehovah Nissi’ speech and give it at our reception later today.

Jhvugdgihwjnjewoew…. I’m so excited!!!


The wedding was… nonexistent?

He didn’t show up.

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