Too Many Questions

Prompt:

28 Feb

First Light

Remember yesterday when you wrote down the first thought you had this morning? Now write a post about it.

‘What is the time?’

I once flipped my Bible open and read the book of Ecclesiastes, chapter 3.

‘To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven. A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted. A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up. A time to weep, and a time to laugh…’

But what time is it for me? Sometimes I feel like it’s time for everything, and then sometimes like it’s time for nothing. The issue of right timing has always been a delicately confusing one for me.

Like when I’m talking to someone, I keep thinking, ‘Is it time for me to laugh at that joke? Is it time for me to stop laughing? Is it time for me to excuse myself? It is time for me to listen or to speak? Is it time for me stop revealing this? Or is it time for me to stop holding this back?’

When I’m eating I’m thinking, ‘Is it time for me stop chewing and just swallow? Is it time for me to stop eating altogether and put away the rest? Is it time for me to drink water? Is it time for me to eat my meat or fish? Is it time for me to let go of the remaining grains of rice?’

When I’m reading, I’m thinking, ‘Is it time for me to rest or can I push further? Is it time for me to jot this down or is it that important? Is it time for me to test myself on what I’ve read so far? Is it time for me tell someone I do not understand or should I keep reading? Is it time for me conclude that I have sufficient knowledge on this topic?’

When I choose to love a person, I’m thinking, ‘Is it time for me to trust and disclose certain things to them? Is it time for me to tell them that I love them? Is it time for me to believe that they love me too? Is it time for me to let others know? Is it time to be in love, even?’

I ask a lot of questions and more often than not, these questions have a way of freezing me in time, thereby causing me not to do what I want to do effectively, or not to even do it at all and eventually making me apologetic to people and to myself.  For instance, I’m asking myself what the point of this article is and whether it’s time for me to wrap it up. But I’ve spent over 20 minutes reading through it over and again – unsure, and now I have gotten tired and bored and have decided to just end it here.

Sorry.