For as long as I can remember, I have always had weird thoughts. There are some days, a thought crosses my mind and I immediately start laughing or visibly shiver depending on the texture and weight of the thought.
When I was younger, it was the same thing. I remember one thought that persisted and it was this: that the Bible was an evolving book continuously being edited and so if I was a good person, I could get my name into the Bible.
Oh! It plagued me so bad. They taught us in the children’s church classes about children who made waves in those days. But they made it seem like these guys (like Samuel) were still kids – or at least teenagers.
I would listen with rapt attention to my Sunday school teachers and when they asked us to pray, I’d bow my heads and pray with all my heart that God would look upon me among the thousands of children in the world and put my name in the Bible too.
I don’t know whether I did it for fame or just because I really wanted to please God, but I know it was a good motivation to be a good child. Ask my parents, I never really gave them trouble.
I would ask myself at every point:
Would Samuel lie about who broke the plate?
Would Samuel buy chewing gum even though his mom said he shouldn’t chew gum anymore?
Would Samuel collect stuff in school and not show his mom before consuming it?
Would Samuel lie, or steal?
I wanted so bad to meet Samuel. I wanted to ask him how he was able to do it – to not succumb to his childishness.
Then one day, someone quite randomly said the Bible was written thousands of years back. I (believe I ) asked, ‘So nothing can change in the Bible again?’ The person obviously replied in the negative.
For hours, I was struck with dumbness. My whole life had been a lie. I could NEVER have my name in the Bible. I felt like God had been unfair to me. I thought: He did not even give me a chance to prove myself. He just sealed it and let them publish it. He did not even want to know whether I could be written about.
That information shook the foundation of all my morals because I thought, ‘if what I work for is gone, then for what do I work?’
Thank God for growth.
Now I know that my life itself -with everything that I say, I do, I do not do, I do not say – is a testament to evidence God. And so, I am still watchful of my behavior, knowing that I am the book which the world WILL read, I am the salt that MUST flavor the earth and I am the light that HAS GOT TO shine the path for everyone. And that’s such a bigger onus on my shoulders!
I started out wanting to be a Bible star, but now I realize that I am already a star that must ensure her light is not taken away from her; or hidden from the world.