Goodbye, 20

It’s the 22nd of July and today is the last day I’ll ever be 20 years old on this earth. 
It’s a little bit funny because I remember when I was 10 and I thought I was the most intelligent person in the room. Now I’ll be 21 tomorrow and I feel like I know absolutely nothing about anything. I am usually almost always confused or unsure about things and I always think there’s a conspiracy against my intelligence when people ask me random questions.  If you catch me in a room full of strangers, I am usually quiet because I’d rather listen and learn, than assert my own opinions. 

This 20th year of my life has been… what can I call it? Different? It has been different. I have learned so much more about myself than I have learned in all my life put together. And funny enough, I am ending the year more confused about myself than I have ever been in all my life.

I remember last year, my birthday was on a Thursday and it was a pretty normal day. There was no cake, no chicken, no party. One boy carried me in my faculty and a number of people called to wish me well. My roommates and I worshipped God and prayed when the clock struck 12 that morning and we shared a few jokes. The boy who I like surprised me with chocolates and jewelry and some other niceties (I’m guessing the feeling is mutual). It was an okay day and so I assumed it would be just an okay year too; not a lot of drama.

But the 20th year of my life unfolded to be the most emotional, revealing, confusing, amazing and stressful year for me.
 
In my 20th year, I shed off a lot of friends. It was this year I heard too much of, ‘Boro, we don’t see you around anymore’. I don’t know how it happened, but it just did. 

In my 20th year, I learned that the more I lean on God, the stronger I become. I know it sounds like those weird things people just say, but it is the truth. I had too many tired days this year that I really had no option but to beg God for His strength. 

In my 20th year, I made a lot of mistakes. To be very honest, before my 20th year, I had a fairly confident idea of things you’d never catch me doing; simply because I was Boro, and could never do such. But I learned this year that to glory in my strength is weakness and to glory in my wisdom is foolishness. 

In my 20th year, I learned new things about myself and went through too many stages of emotions like uncertainty, fear, certainty, joy, belief, unbelief, and so on. I worried about my future; I trusted in God and promised to keep trusting; I had doubts about my convictions and so on. It was a training ground! 

In my 20th year, I learned to truly love. Although Ben does not agree with me, I will stand my ground and say that the art of loving  another is an insanely conscious one. A person who claims to love must be ready to work out your love. It’s almost the same way the Bible says to work out the Salvation of our souls, but most people think once our spirits are saved, then that’s all. Love requires a concious dedication to care. 

In my 20th year, I made writing my friend and I love it! 

My 20th year was not perfect at all. In fact, I believe it was more rough than smooth. But I see it as the beginning of a refining for me; like gold which is not comely to the eyes until it is refined. And I cannot wait for the world to see the gold in me! 

I am very grateful to God for this 20th year and I earnestly look forward to a more amazing 21st. 

Goodbye 20!!