I Will Not See Him Again

Job 4:11

‘Full grown lions die when they cannot find prey…’ (International Standard Version, The Holy Bible)

I read that scripture this morning when I woke up feeling bad. I had once again, shamed myself and my Father in heaven. Yes, and even my father in heaven. I believe that both f(F)athers see me and my bad deeds, and I sometimes wonder why they don’t slap me from heaven.

When I spoke to my pastor about this, he told me that it would help me if I realized and meditated upon the fact that my Father, God, in heaven, also lives in me. He said I still commit this sin of fornication because I think heaven is such a far away place and God is busy with angels and prayer requests. He said, if I realize that His dwelling place is actually in me, I will stop using my body for sin. And indeed I tried that. But the body within which they say He is living, does not revolt when these emotions take over. And so, it’s hard for me to think that He truly makes me His habitation; that my body is His temple.

When I spoke again to my friend about it, she said, ‘Well, if you take juju to a church, the building will not collapse. People do bad things in God’s physical temple and the building does not, because of that, close its gate on them. It is the people in charge of the building ; the people who have been put in charge of the building by God, who are now the ones that are to be observant and ensure that people don’t come into the temple and make it an unfit place for worship’  She had sighed as if she was having trouble explaining herself to me. But she continued, ‘I guess what I’m trying to say is that you are the temple of God. But your body, which is the structure of that temple will not revolt against the sin that you choose to commit. It is only flesh. It is you, who is in charge of your body that must, like Jesus did to those selling things in the temple, chase away any thing making your body unfit for worship’

That advice worked for a while too. It made a lot of sense. But all these pieces of advice are hard for me to remember when I am with him; the one with whom I throw every caution to the wind; even the caution of the Holy Spirit.

But today, I realize that I must decide not to even see him at all again.  I have discovered the secret and the truth: even the strong and old lion WILL die, if it is not fed.

I will not feed these desires. I know they will roar and threaten. But I will not feed them.

I will not see him again.

I know it WILL be hard. But I will comfort myself with hope from the ‘WILL’ in the statement: The strong and old lion will die if it is not fed.

A ‘will’ has to be sacrificed for another ‘will’ to be realized; and it’s all in the power of will. And by the help of the Holy Spirit.

I’m sorry I got too deep.