I’m Not Feeling Fine

‘I’m not feeling fine’

I looked in the mirror and cringed. I read somewhere that we are about ten times less beautiful than we think. I shake my head at my reflection in the mirror and think of how much of a beast I must really look like. I used to be really pretty, I guess. But now I have worry creases, thinking creases, some laughter creases, and a lot of pimples and blackheads. I’m not really feeling fine this morning. 

‘I’m not feeling fine’

I walked all throughout today and now my legs are numb. I can’t feel a thing. I always promise myself to put aside some money and give myself a decent spa treat but apparently, my life is a major conspirator against its own pleasures. I run my palms over my feet as I sit yoga-style on my bed. But my leg is numb and it’s not feeling fine. 

‘I’m not feeling fine’

Malaria is not my friend. I have occasional headaches, body pains, weakness, cough, and loss of appetite. Sometimes my body temperature just rises and sometimes, I feel fine. But right now, I am not feeling fine. And although, in extreme feminism, I am proud of the female anopheles mosquito, for being the breadwinner the one who wears the pants and inspire terror in the relationship, I hate her too… And how her sting makes me feel.

‘I’m not feeling (just) fine’

But alas! In all these things that aren’t so pleasant, I still feel great and grateful. I mean, I can still type a fairly coherent article; I’m not pinned to a hospital bed; it’s the Good Friday!; I’m exhibiting some of my photographic works for the first time tomorrow; I have people who I love and they love me back; I have access to healthcare; I am not poor, and most especially, I’m a child of God!

I’m not feeling just fine, I’m actually feeling great.