Letter to my Husband’s Next


I love him, he loves you, you love him, we love him.

Please don’t feel guilty because of this letter.
In fact, I must commend your stealthiness;
You are not like those other mistresses who bombard their ‘masters’ phones with calls when he is in his real home;
You are more experienced than that.

With this letter, he’ll probably also deliver the news that we’re in a divorce process.
I trust that would make you very happy.
I hear you are already planning the wedding.
You see, I am a very noble and decent person.
I only think it is the right thing to do;
Set him free for you.

However, being noble and decent can never take away some emotions;
Emotions like sadness, grieve and sorrow.
But I can’t think of them.
That would make me a selfish person.
What are my emotions compared to the love you feel for him?

Please remember that the aim of this letter is NOT to guilt-trip you.
This is just me trying to avoid future awkward moments.

That said;
As I write this letter, I look out of the window and see our tiny precious son;
Oblivious of the fact that the only man he has ever known is about to be snatched from him;
Or that he would have to deal with several terrible emotions such as anger-
Geared towards the woman who he would think deprived him of this father’s attention.
He is playing so energetically. Playing with his toy cars and train;
I think he wants to be a mechanical engineer;
Just like his father.

I look at him with such admiration.
But I cannot remember a time when his father did not look at him with even greater admiration.
I think to myself;
‘He’s so tiny. He doesn’t deserve this’.
But then again, I remember, we don’t always get what we deserve;
I mean, that’s why you have gotten my husband.

I must be kind and tell you a few things that might help in this sojourn with him.
He’ll hate it if you wear any type of perfume;
But I guess you already know that as I’ve never perceived any perfume scent on him.
He’ll constantly complain about your weight even when you’re not adding any.
He’ll say it’s his way of keeping you ‘weight-alert’.
He’ll neither help you with the house chores nor permit you to get a maid.
Let me just say he has funny ideas on the role of women in marriage.

But, darling, that should not deter you.
I would love to mention some other things such as;
His heavy snores that keep me awake all night;
Not to mention the drooling;
His PASSION for clipping his toenails and leaving them everywhere;
Oh! And his tiny shaved beard hairs all over the sink?
But I should not mention them.
You fell in love with a great man.
And he’ll remain that to you.

Enough said, I wish you good luck in your sojourn with him.
I really mean that in every sense of it;
It will be a sojourn- it will be temporary.
If you need my help in anyway,
Maybe to help you draft a letter for the next after you.
Please and please contact me.

P.S ‘If he cheats with you, he’ll cheat on you’
Stay blessed dear.

*Image gotten from toxel.com*

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