My Boyfriend is…

Uche always makes me look like a liar. Every time someone talks about a nice guy, I automatically say, ‘Oh yeah, my boyfriend is also like that’. And Uche never, ever, fails to say, ‘Nope, you don’t have one’. It’s kind of frustrating because other people think I’m delusional. So, I have decided to write about my boyfriend, so she’ll would know i’m not kidding.

 Uche, enjoy!

If I were to summarize who my boyfriend is, I’d be like ‘Does a twelve-page summary still count as a summary?’ and then when I turn it in, I’d be calling everyday to add stuff to it… cause I can never really summarize who my boyfriend is. So, I’ll make this post easy and tell you who he is according to the days of the week…

On Mondays, my boyfriend is a medical doctor… and he’s the best there is. He has a hospital in Abuja where he hardly stays. This is because the hospital can literally run on its own. He has an army of extremely experienced staff who receive monthly salaries in six figures. His hospital serves as the staff hospital for a lot of big companies. And my boyfriend isn’t even yet finished with y’all. He’s targeting providing medical services to the staff at the World Bank. When I asked my boyfriend why the hospital doesn’t have sub-quarters, he replied me; ‘Quality doesn’t necessarily mean quantity’. Although I tried to tell him that in a profession like his, quantity and quality are equally important because people all around the country need the help, my boyfriend always has a way with words. Which is why…

On Tuesdays, my boyfriend is a Public Speaker (although when I introduced him as this, he quickly corrected me and said, ‘Nah… I’m just a voice). So, yeah, my boyfriend is a voice. And although I don’t know what that means, all I know is that on Tuesdays, my boyfriend is always right. He speaks at different forums and on different platforms. There is no limit to the topics my boyfriend can speak on; from HIV/AIDS awareness to the peculiar types of transport mechanisms available in different countries. I love my boyfriend on Tuesdays because before he speaks on any topic, he says, ‘I would not be standing here if not for God. And I probably would not believe in God if not for my girlfriend’. Although I smile every Tuesday when I watch him on TV; I have told my boyfriend to stop saying this because it sounds a lot like he’s trying to say that I was the one who led him to God, when in fact…

On Wednesdays, my boyfriend is a Pastor. He preaches in the mid-week services in a church. He’s the most amazing, spirit-filled and word-grounded pastor that I know. I have never attended any of his services and not felt spiritually enlightened and rejuvenated (and this is not because he’s my boyfriend). He counsels people after each service and the testimonies are mind blowing. One of my most unforgettable memories of my pastor boyfriend was when he preached on a sermon titled, ‘Do you love me?’ It was centered around John 14:15 where Jesus said , ‘If you love Me, keep my commandments’. By the time he finished the sermon, the whole church was in tears; even the senior pastor. And me, I just stared at my boyfriend because I thought that that only happened on Thursdays…

On Thursdays, my boyfriend is amazing. Thursdays are one of my best days because I barely know what my boyfriend has planned out. I wake up in the morning and in my head I’m trying to guess what the day holds. I cannot count how many things he’s been in the past; on Thursdays. Since we started dating, we have carried out all his Thursday amazing plans together. We’ve been skydivers, we’ve been travelers (to 6 states in one day), we’ve been footballers (my worst Thursday so far), we’ve been photographers (capturing the whole of Lekki), we’ve been graffiti artists (one of my most nervous Thursdays), we’ve been random photo-bombers, we’ve been anonymous donators to charity, we’ve ridden roller coasters till all our internal organs interlocked…. Basically, Thursday is our very fun day of the week.  Sometimes I want Thursdays to last forever because….

On Fridays, my boyfriend is a surgeon. This flows from his doctor job on Mondays, except that on Monday evenings, he’s mostly always happy; always gushing on and on about how this person was totally amazed that there was a drug for her condition or how he confirmed that this family got pregnant and how the husband knelt on the floor and started saying Igbo words spiced with a lot of ‘Chineke dalu’. And we would always laugh as he tries to imitate reactions from these patients. But on Fridays, I know that ‘Praise You in The Storm’ is always on repeat on his iPod. ‘Surgery is never a happy thing’, he says. Although he hardly ever loses a life in a surgery, I suspect that my boyfriend just dislikes the prospect of physically tweaking stuff on/in other people’s bodies. He’d rather go through drugs and the likes. Fridays are days of sober reflection for both of us… which is most likely why…

On Saturdays, my boyfriend is a Waltz-er. I kid you not. We go waltzing every Saturday. And by ‘go waltzing’ I mean, we play music and just waltz by ourselves. My friends don’t believe it and they always yimu and say, ‘Be deceiving yourselves; both of you. This is Nigeria o, better shine your eyes. Waltz ko, shoki(or any trending dance) ni’. But Saturdays are my most lived for days because when we waltz (especially to Lauren O’Connell’s version of ‘All I Have to do is Dream), everything around me blends in and it’s just my boyfriend and I… and also, because Sunday comes…

On Sundays, My boyfriend is a smart person, because he rests. Goes to church very early, and then he just rests.  He switches off his phones and shuts himself out and just.. rests. So yeah, Sundays kinda suck.

Basically, that’s who my boyfriend is. And for those in doubt (*ahem* Uche), I have just one thing to say to you- My imagination is on drugs and my boyfriend is its doctor.