9/9

It’s Feburary; the month of love?

It feels like a sick joke to me as well, but it isn’t. It is one month since Iyanu left and everyday has seemed like an elongation of a terrible nightmare. 

Today is the 14th; Valentine’s Day. My parents have not let me go back to school because I am ‘not fit’ to be around others. I don’t know where my mom is seeing these signs but she says I’m suicidal. I am not. I am just a lot quieter these days because I have been doing a lot of inward reflecting. 
You see, out of all the questions I have had consuming my mind since Iyanu died, the loudest is the question on her purpose on earth. I am a firm believer in purpose and I know that God cannot allow something to occur just for it to occur. So I have been asking, ‘What was Iyanu’s purpose on earth?’ 
Maybe Iyanu was given to me to teach me love; for it was with her that I learned that love does not look at the circumstances of your existence, neither does it look at the discomfort you bring to the table. Love is just love. I learned to love the result of my mistakes. I learned to love the reminder of my shortcomings. And I loved her with no taint of accusation. That’s love. 
Maybe Iyanu was given to me to teach me strength; to learn that there is a strength that still remains when all strength is gone. I understood that one cannot lose all her strength and will power in life, especially when you rely on God. There’s always a storage of strength available if only one is willing to reach for it. Seriously.
Maybe Iyanu was given to me to remove scales from my eyes. One great thing that came out of the pregnancy was Charles deserting me. It was devastating but it was necessary and profitable. If Iyanu did not come, I would most likely still be with that weakling, soaking up all his lies and casting all my pearls at his sty.
But why was Iyanu taken away from me? 

Maybe to give me another chance? To live life more appropriately? I don’t even know what that means. Because I already accepted her as my second chance at being a better person. I may never fully understand why she was taken but I am resting in the assurance that everything that happens, happens for my good and there is nothing that happens without God, my father, knowing about it. 
She will come back to me; I am sure of it. One day, Iyanu will return back to me, in whatever form she so desires. I am sure of it