Re: Agege Bread

Prompt:

Jan 27

Sliced Bread

Most of us have heard the saying, ‘That’s the best thing since sliced bread!’ What do you think is actually the best thing since sliced bread.

Dear Sir/Ma, 

LETTER OF (FURIOUS) COMPLAINTS

We are writing this letter with regard to the advert that was put up by your agency on the billboard on Admiralty way, Lagos, Nigeria. 

We understand that the ads put up by your company are merely in fulfilment of contractual obligations imposed by agreements with your clients, but we are aggrieved by this particular ad, as it shows that (sorry to say), your company is a hungry money-grabbing company ready to do any kind of advertisement for a fee – without regard to the nuisance effect of such an ad. 

Yes sir/ma, do not be confused, I am referring to the extremely insulting ad on Agege Bread. 

First, no one owns Agege Bread. No one has the right to appropriate the ingenuity of the concept of a whole (thick bromate-delicious) loaves of bread. Different bakeries may engage in the production of Agege bread and yes, we have seen and even allowed so far that some bakeries insert little advert papers naming these loafs after their companies (e.g Olumide Bread). And that’s fine, because these are only sold in traffic… on the mainland or when you’re travelling to Ibadan. But take a look at Shoprite. Those people have enough wisdom not to package their own Agege bread in wrappers that say ‘Shoprite Bread’. They know it’s a huge insubordination. Now imagine our utmost confusion and amazement when a whole billboard on the island advertises some ‘Cherryfield Bread’. Our own Agege bread?!

Second, your company has, by this seemingly harmless act, caused a huge dent in the natural order of our world. Agege bread? A subject of advertisement? What a big joke! Fact: Agege bread is the single most amazing thing any baker can bake. And I know that from all those monies you steal in that company you must have travelled to France and so you must be thinking of the various pastries and croissant and pain d’whatever you had over there. Well, they do not belong on the same pedestal with Agege Bread. How do they taste with beans? Or with akara? Or with moin-moin? How much can they fill you up? Can they give the same sense of ‘wow’ to both the rich and the poor? Agege bread cuts across the taste of both the rich and the poor! How readily available are they? Let me tell you, if these elite pastries were so amazing, people would push to have them everywhere in the country. But you will find Agege bread anywhere…anywhere at all in Nigeria. Beat that! ( I recommend that you listen to this for more information)

Third, the white people in the advert? Please, abeg… we will say no more. 

So sir/ma, I’m sure you get the idea of what we feel from the words of this letter. We cannot continue, as a nation, to destroy our heritage with our own hands. When imperialism came to change our individual cultures and ways of life, we succumbed, but we will not stand for this self-neo-colonialism. There is nothing worse than a country who, by itself, plants and by itself uproots. 

You are a Nigerian company and because we know that people often do stupid things when they are drunk with the wine of ignorance and money, we will forgive you if you take down the ‘Cherryfield Bread’ advert and give honour to whom it is due (Agege bread).  

You may advise your clients to advertise sliced bread instead… that was not our creation. Agege bread is better than sliced bread and is in fact, the best thing since sliced bread.

Yours faithfully,

Bread-rens and Defenders of the Agege Cause.