Short and Useless

‘Ehn? Who said what?’ Nonye laughed as she tied her black scarf. She could smell the scarf smelling but she couldn’t possibly go out without tying her scarf. 

‘I just pity these children of Satan. That’s all I will say. What’s my business with her and why would I gossip behind her? Does she think I’m afraid of her Ehn? How can she be going around saying that I’m a gossip? How can I gossip? When gossiping is a sin. As if I don’t know what Romans 1:29 says. Ahahn. That’s why I don’t even join those sinners to read Linda Ikeji or what do they call her. Abeg, is this scarf looking fine?’ She asked Adunni as they picked their bags and headed for their evening service. 

‘Ahahn’ she continued on their way ‘Me? Gossip? She knows that she has many things that she’s doing that are bad na. Like one time like that I saw her with that boy that drives that black Camry. He was holding her waist; as in her real waist because she was wearing that devilish crop top abi what do they call those things. They were now walking in the dark night. When I passed beside them, they smelled like alcohol and smoke. God forbid! That’s the person I’ll be gossiping about?’

Adunni laughed and said, ‘She even said that you’re a hypocrite. Imagine. That you don’t do what you preach. In her words: SUs like her are the worst. They will tie their hair and wear long skirts but the things that come out from inside their hearts are filthy’ 

‘Jesus Christ!’ Me? Hypocrite. Hahahaha! She is very foolish for that statement. God forgive me o. Ahahn. Is it not that short and useless girl who wears short and useless things?Me? I don’t practice what I preach? Does she see me in their dirty nightclubs with them? Abi do I smoke like I have hellfire within me, like they do? Abeg Abeg… ‘ She was furious. 

‘I tell you’ Adunni said, hissed and laughed.

They had gotten to church now. They stepped in and raised up holy hands to God. And to Jesus they said ‘Thank you for loving me’